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The epitome of my mind right now is a representation of a cluttered and unclean room. Can’t think, can’t move, can’t do anything except be frustrated and the result of what is and only to wonder and backtrack of how it came to be.
Do you care if I get some things off my “chest” but more like out of my head?
My Response Web Design class is really overwhelming and at this moment I don’t know how i am going to pass it.
I don’t know where my life is headed now since I my passion for it is gone.
My living quarters and situation within the house has become depressing, especially since the thief has become “untouchable”.
Trying to understand the simple fact that I feel like “Joseph trials”
Searching for God is proving harder than originally thought.
Having no free time is very frustrating.
Lack of Discipline is frustrating. 
Pulling all-nighters seem to be the only way to get things done.
Pulling all-nighters are hard to pull of when your body rejects your commands.
Finding a distraction from the worries of life are becoming a habit.
I need more than an answer from God…
Nothing I have tried has worked so far.. And yet I still press on!
Time is moving by so fast and I feel as if I am standing in wet cement.
My job has it’s great moments but in the end it is a dead end. I work hard for years and I can’t even get a raise.
Picking up healthy habits has it’s own struggles but it gets better everyday.
I don’t like mirrors but their needed.
I’m hoping getting this out will help relieve the tension within.
Thinking about getting re-baptized. Not sure if I want/need to.
Finding out that I have less and less time to myself as time goes on is very troublesome.
I’m smart enough to find and know the answers but not assertive in my action to follow through with it. Is it laziness? is it fear? is it my environment? I need a way out.
I can’t let my emotions get out of control or ahead of me. If that were to happen I would lose reason.
With all the hell breaking loose I know a brighter day on on the horizon. I just have to find a way to ride it out and endure it just a bit longer.
“The first casualty of emotion is reason”
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The epitome of my mind right now is a representation of a cluttered and unclean room. Can’t think, can’t move, can’t do anything except be frustrated and the result of what is and only to wonder and backtrack of how it came to be.

Do you care if I get some things off my “chest” but more like out of my head?

  • My Response Web Design class is really overwhelming and at this moment I don’t know how i am going to pass it.
  • I don’t know where my life is headed now since I my passion for it is gone.
  • My living quarters and situation within the house has become depressing, especially since the thief has become “untouchable”.
  • Trying to understand the simple fact that I feel like “Joseph trials”
  • Searching for God is proving harder than originally thought.
  • Having no free time is very frustrating.
  • Lack of Discipline is frustrating. 
  • Pulling all-nighters seem to be the only way to get things done.
  • Pulling all-nighters are hard to pull of when your body rejects your commands.
  • Finding a distraction from the worries of life are becoming a habit.
  • I need more than an answer from God…
  • Nothing I have tried has worked so far.. And yet I still press on!
  • Time is moving by so fast and I feel as if I am standing in wet cement.
  • My job has it’s great moments but in the end it is a dead end. I work hard for years and I can’t even get a raise.
  • Picking up healthy habits has it’s own struggles but it gets better everyday.
  • I don’t like mirrors but their needed.
  • I’m hoping getting this out will help relieve the tension within.
  • Thinking about getting re-baptized. Not sure if I want/need to.
  • Finding out that I have less and less time to myself as time goes on is very troublesome.
  • I’m smart enough to find and know the answers but not assertive in my action to follow through with it. Is it laziness? is it fear? is it my environment? I need a way out.
  • I can’t let my emotions get out of control or ahead of me. If that were to happen I would lose reason.
  • With all the hell breaking loose I know a brighter day on on the horizon. I just have to find a way to ride it out and endure it just a bit longer.

The first casualty of emotion is reason”

Study of Love (Social experiement) - UPDATE

A girl has contacted me and we now share conversations.

  • I have been talking to this girl that I found on Meetme.
  • She seems to have drawn a connection "to me" because of the spiritual things I have said on the posts….
  • She has sent me a total of 2 pictures of her from the shoulder up.
  • I sense insecurities as well as a nostalgic feeling of my ex.
  • We chat from time to time but I am not physically attracted to her… 
  • She calls me “handsome” and …. I cal her nothing.

Immediate Fears

  • "The Curse" (future post)
  • "Heart-breaker pt 2" (also future post"
  • Meeting in person could become… Awkward
  • Hoping the term handsome is the same as an elderly couples “son” and “sweety” instead of  ”I like you” or “I want you”

Positives

  • Could be a great friend
  • …conversation can be fun sometimes…
  • Learning to be yourself(somewhat) can be easy, but tricky for an INTJ
  • She might have added wisdom that would benefit you.
  • Learning how to appreciate people just for who they are

Questions?

  • If there is no willingness to care the what is the purpose
  • What does NY style Cheesecake tastes like
  • People are looking at this post…. Excellent!!!
  • What does she want? really want?
  • What could I be doing to make more use of my time right now rather than doing this?
  • There has been no spiritual talk or anything dangerous since the transfer… shall you test it?

Explanation of the sites (Study of Fear) Social Experiment

Tinder- Tinder is basically a “hook-up” site. I went on and picked out a few people I liked via swipe right, and didn’t like via swipe left, I even saw some people that my friends on Facebook knew *weird*. From what I get the picture sells you but if you know me I’m not photogenic at all but I try lol. Anyways I talked to a couple of people but it’s not like it’s  a stable conversation. Maybe if I smoked and drank it would make me more attractive… Either way this site has not proven the ample results I was wanting. “It’s really hit or miss” 

Plenty of Fish(POF)- This site matched me with girls from all over the place. I matched several but the conversation went down hill fast either they were busy or they kept saying things that didn’t require a replay it was super weird, then again the people I talked to had no appeal to me in any way. That and it kept matching me with every black girl in the world. l’m talking like 0 ethnicity difference from an ultra match. Lastly, I started noticing that some of the girls were kiiinnnddaaa stuck up in a way but maybe it’s just me.

OKCupid(OKC)- By the time I got to this site I was starting to be able to tell who’s thirsty, who wanted to “hook up” and who genuinely wanted something. The site had major lag issues but the women were beautiful. Except the ones I were talking too. They reminded me of my ex. and The people I matched and talked were about 74% and up but the conversations never got to a solid point, it was all small talk. ugh! small talk!

Meet me- LOL Facebook and Instagram had sex and Meet me popped out with twitter as a role model. This place defines, thirsty, hungry, desperate, etc. There are pervs, bi’s trans, lesbians, gays, you name it its there. There are women who want a faithful/respectable man but they show so much there’s not much respect left. I can message, like, comment, and post to the wall that everyone can see. There are also fake robot girls hitting on me. Hate those spam bots.

For the good I would say I have met some awesome people on here. Got a couple numbers but I don’t intend to have it go anywhere other than friendship although there is this one girl who keeps calling me “handsome”. Too bad she is not my type… {heart-breaker} What’s up with these girls who put their leg/thigh on a sink to make their but look bigger. It’s funny and ridiculous at the same time. DO SQUATS!! all day.

(this site has had the best success in talking to people but jeeeze does everyone on this site drink, smoke, and party all  the time?)

Summary: After being on these sites lets just say that my mind started to wander on the possibilities of what I could have vs what I wanted

You fell for it did’nt you nasty?…

I feel the need to remind you that the whole reason I am doing this is purely educational and to help out a friend, while staying true to the simplistic fact that my advice has substance behind it instead of hypothetical assumptions!
Dr_Curious~Study of Fear (Social Experiment)

Plan of Action (Study of FearSocial Experiemnt

Theory- A person can become better equipped to make conversations if they…. Well If they talked to a bunch of strangers online just for the sake of conversation or relationship.

Plan: Look up a ton of dating sites and go ham(talk) on everyone. I thought about talking to guys but….. no no just women thanks

Action: POF(plenty of fish), Tinder, OKC(okcupid), meet me, and (other nameless ones because I deleted them because they were stupid). They all seem to be legit to an extent but I found out something very interesting about each one in particular… Explanation of each (continued on next post)

INTRODUCTION-STUDY OF FEAR (SOCIAL EXPERIMENT)

For the past couple months I have been conducting a social experiment

For what you say?… Ummm welll because l knowledge is fun… Ppffff!!

Actually I did it because I was just Curious. I love experiments and what results they can bring, anyways i’m getting off topic let’s continue but before I do my disclaimer:

DISCLAIMER:

To those who know me and are around me physically(I won’t mention you by name but you know who you are and I know who you are even if you are not following me HINT) If you wish to start rumors because I am writing this.. Feel free to do so, have a blast doing my work for me and ummm be really confused about what I just told you to do :)

Also, before I start I want to break this up because people don’t like reading my long comments, even though it’s for me I want to try and take into account that other people do read it since I have XXX amount of followers, likes, re-blogs blah blah blah. So this will be an introduction of what I am doing and did… I think.

SYNOPSIS( I think )

A friend asked me she has trouble talking to guys, and she needs advice… I thought about what I did and I gave her some examples…

Talk to strangers……………………… "I don’t know them, hell no!

Practice on your friends…………… "I already know them it won’t work"

Talk to yourself……………………… “That’s super weird and stupid”

Talk to a mirror……………………… “ ………………”

Learn more about yourself……… “How am I going to do that?”

As you can see my “friend” is quite ummm flabbergasted at how she does not know herself too well to put it politely. Afterward I ignored her until she left me alone because well….. yea.

I began to think of how to help her or get her to do what I wanted her to do(follow my advice). I then took a different approach, a more active approach so what I did was tested a theory. To talk to people without being afraid the first step is to get someone who will talk to you or vice versa. And what do you think that is… Dating/Chat sites. It’s the next best thing to real life.

Plan of action next….. (continue on future posts)

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